i feel bad in a lot of ways now. i have to rant, like in this moment right now, but then on the other hand, i havent updated this blog for JUST THAT LONG, and my comeback post is....a bundle of unjustified insecurities? it is unfair to the readers, myself, and the beautifully boring layout of my blog. seriously. anyway... here goes. (this is like super junior doing a comeback......but with that damning carly rae jepsen song, i know right like seriously.....) okay. i am damn tired like now, with my life and my friends and melbourne and school and everything that comes with it. so many things to do, not do, havent been done, supposed to be doing but not doing nonetheless. and to my poetic justice, shit. i am screwed (or at least about to be) by SOME subjects, and oh wells. i know, at this point, with my beautifully wonderful school records, it is impossible for you to think of my screwing up, and HAHA, if i screw up, so will the millions out here doing the same subjects i am doing. but NOTE: i am fucked, and as such typing away on my laptop with uber long nicely painted nude nails. and grabbing my emergency stock of baileys. need it desperately. my friends. hm. maybe later. some other time. or not okay i don't really belong lately. i am tired of the uneasiness going around, and all the crap and stupidity and shit and all of this crap of trying to act like a grown up and being kiddish nonetheless. okay i am fucked. like PLEASE. i don't even know how to put these in words. oh sure i love them a bunch, we joke, we connect we talk. but not really about... anything anymore you know. all thats been going around are problems, scandals, worthless talks and heck, maybe some meaningful ones, but none of which that MATTERS. honestly, i don't even know what i am expecting, but with what all the politics and facades and behind-the-scenes talk happening....i'm lost. i miss the easy camaraderie my closest group of friend had the one when we don't have to watch what to say or do, just because you know your friendship's stronger than the arguments you will have. it's like....

what are friends anyway? okay let's get real.

your friends are NOT always there for you no matter what. you can't expect them to be. they've got their own lives. and they always expect something from you, whether to be in your best behaviour, or just a birthday surprise, or at least be something you sometimes are not. they judge. and no matter what, there will sometimes be awkward moments between the lot. and yet we call them friends. indeed, first world problems they say. ( i do have quite a bunch of friends of my own, but please for those of you who read this, i don't mind you sharing to our mates. in fact, badger me about it, see if i reply. )

trust me, this is my 2nd week of melbourne, and things are not looking up. you know why?

i know i have neglected this blog way too much now. but there are so many things happening at once, and sometimes completely nothing at all that i find no time to write. damn it.

but now that i am in melbie, yesh, i can allot time for you when i'm not too busy making myself busy (aka socialising HAHA, spending money). SIGHS. this is my first day back and trust me, melbie shucks. heavy rain, thunderstorm, and an empty house, so much stuffs to clean up. i miss home so bad :( . mommy, daddy :(. my room :( . damn it.

gimme time to cry now.

Labels: home, i

well, as much as i usually bang myself for not doing anything marginally useful for the holidays, i can actually post what you can actually do with all those free time at hand in a holiday!

1. Japanese lessons

YES! one of my aspirations come true! i have long since wanted to actually learn this language (well, i used to be an all round anime freak -NOT read otaku- years back). although my particular fondness for too much japanese stuffs has long since dimmed, i am still quite attached to it in a sense. so well, here i am, struggling with kanji and hiragana and katakana, and all the sentence structures and vocabularies that compound to make a proper language. the journey's arduous and harsh, albeit almost similar to the one i had learning Chinese. oops, the remembrance of an unmistakable pain.

(well, i am just being dramatic) X)

2. yoga

okay. although i am in a hiatus at the moment, i was quite active doing it thanks to my daddy's persistence in having me do it. geez, think about it, the impertinence of having to wake up at 6.30 AM! TWICE a week. OH MY GOD. apocalypse! /DRAMATIC SIGH. okay, i can't say i am addicted to it in any way, but after weeks of complying to my dad's hell-bent will on joining the classes, i can see the good in it. well. it does wonders to your body shape (well, as much as it can, seeing what i have been stuffing in my mouth lately), and stretch those unused, sore muscles. it is quite a strenuous exercise. i have nothing against it at all, except for the waking up early part. but even then, the pluses outweigh the minuses. and honestly, for me to admit that is quite a... shock. not that i'll say it in public anyway. not after that much berating it rather lengthily and without, so to speak, restraint? (and this is not me being dramatic!)


and i don't do that much of the umm.. 'inhumane' poses. at least i don't think i have.

3. driving lessons

don't ask me about it. i shall impart whatever little information i want to part with.

10 days of formal lessons and i get my license yey. (through a less legal channel, of course). after that, i have never driven the car outside of my residential area. geez. and a week ago i just crashed to my own car. READ: i was practice-driving my car and managed to form a 1-metre scratch on my other car when i was trying to park the other in the garage. SNORTS. and the first time the engine went out was when i tried to cross the railroad.

now i'm still struggling with what my mom calls 'entirely wrong impulses for drivers' and 'getting the car to be an extension of my body'. and all else that basically mean the same thing.

4. shopping

UH-OH. crazy shopper on the loose! trying to make up for being MIA on boxing day. DAMN IT. but shopping in indo has its perks. cheaper stuffs, and of course, other people's wallets' contents to spend! Whoopee! and don't get me started on my finds throughout this holiday!

5. read

6. watch

(pirated movies, anime and western and korean series, cinema. you name it!)

7. socialise

8. fix whatever needs fixing until melbourne time comes along

okay. my bone structure for one, which is the reason for my hiatus in yoga. go back to number 2.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
most of all:

0. stay happy and clean!

happy holidays, and by the way, this list is what i deem useful for me. what i did. HAHA. see people, i do useful things in life aside from writing to y'all all the time! PS does not guarantee any result for other dissimilar beings from me.

ciao peeps.

Labels: home, i, life

i am writing this accompanied by many soundtracks, tunes, melodies and lyrics, yet only a feeling of emptiness.








first and foremost, i miss foods in Melbourne. i love indonesian cuisine, but a girl used to a more 'varietised' palate can hardly blame herself for the constant craving and nagging memoirs, right?

secondly, i am home in indonesia yeyy. it is fun to be back home for sure, with my most comfy bed and cars and maids and what-not. but as always, being home poses a different kind of threat to my comfort zone. i am not saying it ain't nice to be back home, but as is always the usual case, home is always the symbol of an intersection where i rethink my life, future, past and trying to escape the present. whatever happiness i cannot retain; only knows that the grief must be chased away. anyway, a lengthy recount is not what i am going for, so i'll just post in some pictures to illustrate my whole life these few months i've been away.

life in melbourne:


indonesian stay:




and my current mood?


(just got my hobby snatched away... feels trapped yet can do nothing. pity? too compassionate, gutless or simply a dimwit? i don't know no more.)

cheers and sincerely yours, readers

xoxo

-v

Labels: blog, family, home, i, problems, social

play to win. it's the catch phrase for so many movies and tv series, we like to say it bitches like to say it and let me say this: this is everybody's motto in life.



why do you even do something when you don't even want to do it well? well, simple, because you play to win. okay, we always say that 'i am doing this for the sake of getting it done. oh yeah, especially us school seniors.' but if you are not serious, remind me again, why do it? well, simple. you still do it to bid your time, so in the end you come out victor. a winner. playing to win, ain't it?

and please, who wants to lose? in matters of the heart; in love and war? it is basic human nature to want it all. look, i'm not saying that we are to succumb to our basic instinct all the time, but hey, we are not capable of banishing it just like that (well, except if you are a holiness or the great or something, but for the purposes of this blog that caters to the large population, it is not relevant).

play to win.


or bid your time; act losing and grab the victory.

Labels: social

i shall get this outta my system.

i am currently in the middle of my exam period. DAMN right i know. i'd rather ogle some cute guys in fictional books, have a nice cup of coffee, out in the streets giggling with my mates or even getting ready for a trip to gold coast for the sake of my head. (yeah did i mention that my friends will be flying out to gold coast tonight? guess i did not, did i?)

check out the pretty beaches in gold coast, for my goodness's sake. man the lucky bitches.



okay. have all the fun. have fun without me.

and trust me i shall have my revenge on my coming 5 months break.

what's with all the ranting?

okay: i hate waking up to all my worldly problems:

1. i have exams *snorts

2. i have got to think of moving and all the paperworks to go with it like now. oh, i haven't mentioned?

okay here's a sub-story to y'all.

[

kay, so apparently, because i am underage, i have to live in my guardian's place in a homestay. yeah, which i have NOT been exactly doing. but thanks to my worldly experience and oh hail the gods, good intuition, i LIED to monash saying i actually live with my guardians and dodged their vain attempts in trying to pry into my life. yeah life's good. UNTIL a processed paperwork of my underage housemate alerted my monash 'welfare manager'. yepp, after the tons of interviews my underage housemate had with monash, they at last NOW actually wanted to make a problem out of her honesty. they found out OBVIOUSLY, housemate was honest through and through, that she WASN'T living my a guardian, moreover in a LODGING HOUSE, and decided to chase me down too. well, i got caught red-handed and had to move out of my old place. DAMN the stress it was causing me and that is why i haven't been updating thus far. the stress, the pressure, and my busy life caught on me and that's it i am sentenced to doom.

or so it seemed like. lucky with my family coming down to melbourne and all the paperwork delay, we were able to delay my moving for around 3 weeks or so.

but now here i am in my guardian's place, in my solitude and clutter of things around, listening to the little kiddie daughter on her piano and just trying TRYING hard to concentrate on my accounting exam tomorrow. at least the room's not bad, with the huge closet and a huge window to let a lot of light stream through. just with all the exams i guess i landed myself on a suitable studying environment, barring all the unnecessary distractions *sighs. there. and for the record, i haven't stepped out of zone 2 for the whole week. *snorts such record.

oh, and my underage housemate is no more chased by monash. damn life's SO fair.

]

3. i am possibly dealing with a $300 fine

another sub coming

[

so well, i was SURE when i stepped into the exam room yesterday that my phone was off. apparently, it rang during the exam. it BEEPED, to be exact. i knew something was wrong after hearing it BEEPED twice, and as such, the good girl i am, i called the invigilator over and told her that i heard my phone rang and if it was possible for me to check it. well, i freaked, my phone KINDA hanged, and well damn right it was on. just bad fucking luck. so, i turned off the phone with that annoying 90-year-old virgin watching me like a hawk. and after they took my ID card and confiscated my phone, only for me to take it after the exam.

i did.

and was faced with a $300 dollar fine, or so they say, WAIT for the official letter stripping me of my $300 to come out.

fuck them. they did NOT even hear my phone BEEPED, i DID, WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO DID AND CONFESSED. apparently monash just DO NOT treasure honesty as much as our humble society. *snorts

]

two things i learn from all these dealings?

HONESTY ISN'T THE BEST POLICY. SILENCE TRULY IS GOLDEN.

Labels: hate, i, melbourne, north road, problems

there are times when life catches you
unknowingly.
and the unexpected just drives you to tear up
tearing up with frustration
sorrow, anger, bitterness
when will they go away?

thoughts running through my head.
vivid, yet surreal.
so believably real
all those that only remain thoughts and dreams
drive you to curl up
under the comforter
to will them never to end
and grace the days of painful reality

in those times
in these times
and all the rest
never let weaknesses take over
the demon of sorrow
that devil in disguise
free them of you, free yourself of them
stay strong
persevere

self-will and the spirit to succeed
to give those who deserve to get
to repay those need to be repaid
not only for you but those around us
be a gift
more so a gift
forever more a blessing
to both your being and theirs
a gracing entity.

Labels: life, problems

that was my very first opera, ever.

melbourne has so far been a barrage of firsts. the first i've ever been to a concert, the first i've gone karaoke-ing (and believe me, i do enjoy it!), first online shopping experience, greek food dining, been out till 3 in the morning with friends, enjoying the sinful pleasure of drinks with mates. and yesterday, i just experienced my first opera.

it was 'love never dies'. it is the second installment of 'phantom of the opera', and those of you who've never put me in the opera-lover compartment, yes, you are definitely right. i've never been one for operas, never mind 'phantom of the opera!' i just went for the sake of trying out new stuffs, and despite what any of you have thought, NO i didn't fall asleep and NO i didn't NOT enjoy it. it was cool, really, the shrieking voice of the female soprano lead, the thunderous boom of the evil character, and the lulling tenor of the male main. my eardrums were protesting and throbbing at first, but hey, all's good at the end.

the ending was s h o c k i n g. after what ALL thought was a tragic end to the first one, the second one had to end in tragedy too. GRRR. when the gunshot echoed throughout the theatre, NObody was gaping in shock. DAMN. for more of the opera's story, ask mr google please. i am just too lazy to review everything here. hahha, cross that.

Labels: melbourne, music, opera

' brunch-tetris battle addict (vivi vimaladevi widjaja, 2011) '

that was a quoted from me, by me, exact date of which i can't remember. but yeah, i am tetris-battle addicted, and also officially brunch addicted.

(my first game of tetris ever. and that was like what, 10 years ago?)

tetris, classic game as it is, must have featured in your childhood in some way or another. it is an interesting game, and well, is of interest to people from all walks of life. young and old, rich or poor. it is a game that tests both speed and analytical prowess, testing your reflexes as well as fingers agility. one dead brain cell and well, there goes your head and wit and suddenly you are faced with mid-tetris crisis. build a new strategy, be the sun-tzu of tetris!

anyway, some tetris facts:
-originates from the uni soviet
-based on tetrominoes (i am guessing it means blocks of four?)
-inspire some coolest inventions: tetris dishes and tetris-faced 15-stories-building
-available in almost all game consoles of this world
-got ALOT of awards, including game with the most number of variants
-some people can play the same game for 12 hours! o_o
-launched in the 1980s





-there is no WAY a game can go on forever, even if you can keep up with the speed of the level, because of the 'S' and 'Z' block, which if appear consecutively, will force player to create a 'hole' (tetris players will know what i mean)




so how is tetris battle different from the usual tetris? this is a facebook game, just so you know. for practical reasons, i am gonna stick to describing only the 2P mode. so you are going against a stranger or a friend, and the one who sends more lines win. however, 1 line won't cut it. you have to send more than 1 line at once for it to get counted (or make COMBOS), and KO the enemy as much as you can. there are bombs on the screen that you have to sort of 'blow up', that is by putting blocks on top. this bomb will then be transferred to the enemy, making them dizzy, stressed and completely Knocked Out.





anyway, this fever of tetris rages in the house, and it got so bad that on our idle time we start envisioning blocks going down and putting in place strategies to overcome the different 'holes' that may be created. this is called, SCIENTIFICALLY (no joke), the 'tetris effect'. this is an involuntary action that is not specifically tied to tetris alone. o_o

still bad, bad case of addiction. the more you lose, the more you can't stop, cause you feel the adrenaline pumping and curiosity sinking, and you just HAVE to win more games. the more you win, the more you have to win. players just continue to be in that satan loop. win or lose, no stop. (at some point i thought i was turning into a masochist, in the way that despite the emotional beating i take everytime i lose, i play some more)

but still, playing tetris makes you smart. this is backed by this statement by a doctor something. A CREDIBLE source. 'playing tetris makes your brain more efficient, and boosts critical thinking, reasoning, language and processing, generally cognitive thinking abilities'.

Labels: games, north road, tech

- press anywhere on the blank space to close -